Who are you’ Dennis, pt2

April 7, 2013

Back fields as far as the eye could see, we all run around ducking in the tall grass till someone spotted us hiding we were being just country kids, sometimes all of us kids running around so much ending up at the end of the road, this was almost two miles from the house, making more a game to see who could run the fastest back to the house without fallen, most of us younger kids took our time getting back and always the older kids were standing by the wagon wheel at the end of the driveway waiting, after we rested heading for the tomato’s we could only pick the red ones no pink or green they had to wait a few more days, holding them in our shirts eating a few till we got home placing them in the straw basket, we had a dug out in the ground that stored a lot of vegetables that was one place you would never find me in that was more the older boys job to get what they needed.

We stayed with them for awhile till we moved into a small mobile home park, not many jobs around so we ended up moving again this time back to the north, finding a nice house apartment near the beach, living on the first floor wasn’t too bad, Our new dad found a job right off working in a gas station, things must have worked out good for him as he soon had his own station in town, going to school was to bad only walking one mile mostly up hill, now that hill was always fun riding in my wagon holding on all the way down feeling every bump in the road, staying in the center didn’t seem to bother me as long as I keep the handle straight , only one time it crashed into a car sending me flying, Mom came running out of the house checking over making sure I was ok, When dad got home he also asked not if I was ok if I broke the wagon, it was bent some but he took it to work and fixed it for me he wasn’t mad just concern.

Being just a small boy having only one big problem that was school in the first grade elementary class, not understanding what they wanted to teach after lunch at our desks and more talking, wanting more to go play outside at recess heading right for the monkey bars with the other boys, most of the girls went for the swings, all kinds of other things to dodge ball and sometime a group of us boys would shot marbles, everyone went back inside sitting at our desks sitting holding our hands on top of the desk while the teacher talked, back then we didn’t have classrooms to go back and forth to just one class room one teacher all day long and she mostly smelled like powder or some overwhelming perfume, teachers were females back then except the principal, why I seemed to be sent to him was unclear maybe tapping on my desk to much anyways sitting in that chair across from his desk looking down at you, he was tapping his pencil so why couldn’t I do it in class most of the time he just send me back to class telling me to stop tapping so much.

The following Year the same teacher all over again, us boys had our way of making the class start giggling before she turnaround from the blackboard, holding her ruler smacking it on her hand looking at all of us boys, mine you not the girls no not them they were young ladies, a little spit ball in their hair fix them good before we got caught, down to the principal office we go now in groups of five or six, having us sit and miss or recess, sometimes he would take our marbles till after school. Dad sometimes would take me to work with him, letting me play in the cars behind the garage, having lunch with the men giving me things to do staying out of there way for the most part, but I like asking why a lot till Dad would take me in the office letting me color in my books, till Mom pick me up taking me home.

Sometimes we go to the local flea market looking around sometimes they buy me something to play with at home a truck or baseball they even got me a war tank once, family would go out for sea food at one spot across town on the beach, eating hot dogs and fried clams, afterwards going swimming in the ocean, playing in the sand making sand castles getting all sandy having to run back in the water to get the sand off, with the sun heating the salt on our body’s making us get nice and red, getting changed on the beach before we got in the car making sure we didn’t have any sand on us, later mom would give us a bath putting lotion on the sun burns making it feel better, School was out for the summer, that was one time I should have stayed by the house, nothing was interesting so heading up to elementary school, along the backside it had theses huge rocks to climb on, little did I know it was the older kids rock, they grabbed me holding me down saying kids die on this rock they cut their hearts out and feed them to the rocks, talk about being a scared seven year old, after letting me go running home never returning to those rocks staying near the house.

We went on a vacation to visit my cousins in Ohio, it was like old times getting the water from the creek and playing in the fields, staying for a whole week before coming back home, soon after something happen at the station dad lost it having the property sold that the station was on, next thing I knew we were moving again this time without dad, Mom loaded up the car and moved back to New York with our Father maybe this will work out maybe not, enrolled in school only two blocks away that was better than walking up the hill every day, after school playing on the sidewalk or in the back yard wasn’t so bad it had only one tree too small to climb on, but plenty of sand to play in, out front was a busy road cars all the time back and forth sitting on the steps watching the different types going by counting the cars with chrome wheels, sometimes they let me walk up around the corner and get the Newspaper on Sunday.

As a youngster you didn’t ask a lot of question what was going on around you between Mom and Dad, all I knew was mom drove a car home pulling out the back seat leaving it on the sidewalk placing all our belonging inside it, having to crawl across the boxes to the back window as we drove away, waking up it was dark inside the car, Mom and my sister sleeping in the front seat; looking out seeing only a street light over us in some rest stop along the highway.

Dennis is a lost young boy having his world changing every time he turns around, now in another state waking up inside their car looking out in the middle of the night. Thank you blogger’s for following upon Dennis story part two. Will

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Who are you’ what happen Dennis

April 2, 2013

Looking back one can only wonder who we were in the past growing up in a world of today, sometimes we have to stop and wonder if things could have been different, what if sometimes seems to always run into the big question what could have been, our dreams as a child of what we wanted to become as we got older it was our dream of things to come in our life’s, somewhere along the line these plans changed for Dennis.

 Life been just one of those times when it wasn’t even my life, School was always hard getting along with other kids around not able to understand the school work for that matter like reading was my worst subject more flipping thru the pages, always finding some reason not to read out loud with the other kids, sure in time reading more comic books seeing more what the words intended making it clear, the teachers would know just placing you in the rear seats away from the smart kids, bad grades on report cards only getting past along to the next grade, this thing of holding back a child in the late sixties was just unheard of pass the kid or you’ll get him next year, Math was my worst subject no way could I possibly understanding anything about those times tables even to this day, learning to count was done at home counting pennies during card games mostly learning poker’ Annie up who wins the pot, betting came easy sometimes it help in school calling a two a duce, or three a tray even if the math teachers did not like that at all.

Summer was a time you got out with your friends and play in the local park down the street, if you had a bike then you could go riding around with your friends seeing who could ride the fastest, we didn’t do all kinds of tricks on our bikes only thing we did was maybe cut off old bike forks to extend them outward like chopper motorcycles, a few kids even placed steering wheel on them, I stuck to the banana seat with high back chrome rails to rest on when you stopped with your friends talking and most important the tall handle bars tilled back, after all this time forgetting the name only it was a purple ten speed with white trim on the side, Sports cards making motor sounds were more for the little kids. Every kid on the block knew when dinner was rushing home it was time for Have Gun will Travel or the Real McCoy’s, Daniel Boone was on every afternoon around four but you could always find a great western Movie those days.

In the formative years of the sixties things happen around us everyone dancing wearing strange color clothes and always someone saying Peace man, Peace, Make Love not War, in the store’s handing out flowers to you as you walk your cart outside, one guy was all deck out in bright purple outfit even his hat match slow walking swaying side to side, about the only true hippie they called them without a full beard, Cut jeans and tie around blouses was quite the look for the woman, most of the guys still had long jeans with ripped knees patches sew on the front and back, a bit different back then compared to today’s generation , we didn’t dress like them till later in the early Seventies even then it wasn’t so much as maybe an army jacket and bell bottom jeans, only as the polyester came in with the disco everyone was cool learning moves having a grand time it was the thing to do just being yourself dancing with the music feeling it inside drifting you away, of course some had other ways of making them sway a little more to smoking wild weed, even that was ok but not allowed in our house nor did we want to try it knowing what would happen if our mother found out we even been around anybody smoking it.

Looking back into this childhood still remember the night it happen on Christmas eve nineteen sixty, laying on the couch watching the television tying not to fall asleep while Mom was wrapping presents, being woken by a crash opening my eyes Mom grabbing me and my sister rushing us out the door down stairs from our second floor apartment, stopping to get in the car turning looking over seeing my new tricycle laying on the sidewalk with broken glass all around it. Waking up in a strange place sitting up on the couch looking around Mom was sitting at the table with a man she knew as things happen we stayed with him moving to Ohio, Staying with Mom’s sister and her whole family living in the lower part of a house yet to be build, everyone of us kids had chores to do no matter the age, sometimes they let me help bring the water can over the hill to a creek filling it, not to many folks around here complaining about kids running around bare foot getting dirty digging up potatoes in the field for dinner, everyone line up before dinner at the table getting washed head to toe from the wash bucket, most of us kids had to stand on a chair with just underwear on but we didn’t mine getting into clean night clothes’ besides the wood stove made plenty of heat, that was the older boys job keeping the stove full of wood.

Sometimes we could watch the television that was only on the weekends if a good scary horror movie was on, during the weekdays before the sun even came up we rush down the driveway to get the school bus coming up our rutted dirt road, taken all us kids to school with the other kids he pickup on some other part around the hill.

Dennis is just another person that has cross a path, following his evens between everything else I’ve been doing with my main story’s; now finding time to let Dennis get his say in finding this one more little story needing a posting for my bloggers’ Thank you blogger’s following upon Dennis story in a few short parts. Will

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Look forward to the edit no matter how hard it is

March 25, 2013

There always something we missed along the way, this was a good time to change it Thanks everyone who’s been following the group along its journey on Yellow Jac wordpress, Experts from one chapter that was redone for book hope you like it.
Everyone looked out the window, her head popped upward seeing all of us now we were spotted for sure, She stood looking at us with a big smile waving her hand, the older man quickly stopping her looking talking but we weren’t able to hear them over the car running; Everyone moved back from the window all smiling that she seen them, not me or Mike we knew we had to get out of here as fast as we could.
“Everybody get ready we got to leave as soon as they drive off” Mike wiping his lips off glancing down pointing to Josh, Quickly looking down at him he had fallen asleep sitting next to me, watching the car leave the driveway trying not to looked bending down, knowing how weak he was picking him up taking him over laying him on the hay bales, everyone started getting the rest of our things together ready, Brian walked over standing next to me with Chris looking at Josh.
“He going to be ok”
“He’s still weak Brian, he needs to rest”
“I’ll set up a blanket inside for him”
“Ok thanks’ I’ll bring him over as soon as you ready is everything inside”
“Just waiting on Mike”
“What’s he doing?”
“Still over by the door looking out”
“I’ll get Mike after I get him in”
“What about the tarp should we take it?”
“We better just in case we need it later”
Brain and Chris went over to the ship, Lisa ringing out the wet clothes setting them inside, Brain waved over for Josh, Looking down he was just sitting looking thru the crack outward, Carefully picking Josh up taking him inside, Brian laid out a blanket just behind my seat.
Everyone moved out of our way with Brian helping getting him down easy, checking Josh warm so that was a good sign as long as he wasn’t sweating a river, Stepping out Faye holding up a warm soda reaching down for it, all of them looking up at me waiting on the hay bales, the only sound around the whole place was birds chirping, watching them drinking keeping more to themselves, knowing Mike like I do something was up it must be bothering him keeping away from everyone.
“You going to fold up the tarp just leave it by the side for now ok”
“Ok Shawn’ we leaving before it gets dark”
“We might have to’ just everybody be ready”
“I don’t understand why we should leave if they know were here”
“Lisa we don’t know them, what about the ship”
“We could say it was here already”
“Please just stop” Walking away from her before I said something I shouldn’t heading down watching Mike chewing on the dirty hay again.
“Mike’ whatever it is you better come out of it”
Looking up pulling the straw out , lowering his head looking at them sitting looking back. “They knew our names’ How Shawn who are they”
“I don’t know Mike who they are, only we have to get back”
“That’s it how do we know it will take us home?”
“We have to try Mike”
“The kid has to know how to get us back”
“True he knows something about the ship”
“Don’t let him fool you’ He know more about it”
“You’re right ok’ but he’s too ill to tell us much”
“You’re the one he’s taking too”
“What do I say to him?”
“Shawn if you have to beat it out of him till he tells us how to work it”
“Beat him Mike he’s just a boy, come on think what you’re saying”
“Alright am sorry’ Just make like you were talking to your brother”
“Sure that’s like asking a wall for information”
“You’re the one that can reach inside that kid brain”
“Ok’ so we find out and then what?”
“Will just take them all back with us”
“How are we going to explain them?”
“I don’t know how’ and I don’t care how’ we just need to get home”
“Ok Mike’ relax your biting that lip too much its bleeding again”
“I can’t help it I’m scared ok”
“Ok Mike so am I’ but we have to be strong here for the others”
“What about us’ you’re scared too”
“I ‘am Ok’ we have to hold it together for everyone sake”
“Ok but we can’t leave right now”
“Why not Mike?”
“We just can’t I don’t know why something’s telling me we have to stay”
“I don’t understand what is it now”
“I don’t know what it is it’s something deep down telling me”
“Like a feeling it will blow up or something”
“No Shawn it’s just not time I can’t explain it just wait a while longer”
“Ok I’ll tell the other we have to stay, only till dark Mike”
“Yea ok When its dark’ Hey how’s the kid doing”
“Sleeping he so weak again”
“The birds stopped quite” Mike said moving over looking out the crack in the door.
Sure enough they returned in the Black car pulling in the driveway, around the bales rushing up by the door looking out at them pointing keeping them low.
“Mike’ it’s them again, any ideas now what to do?”
“No we have to stay’ ok”
“Ok will you try and relax before you end up like Josh”
Turning back watching them going back to the house with the older lady trying to look towards us every so often walking to the door before going inside together, Brian and Lisa moved over near us kneeling low next to Mike, Mike looked back at them getting right up heading to the ship without saying anything to them, Brian look over at me just as Chris holding onto Faye came over
“We leaving or what’ Shawn” Brain asked confused
“Tonight when its dark as it stands right now that’s all I can tell you”
“As soon as it’s dark that might be too late”
“Hey you two look the lady’s coming out” Lisa interrupted us
“Now what?”
“She’s heading right for us”
“Great’ everyone get to the ship, Brian tell Mike”
“Mike’ Mike’ We got to leave now” Faye Saying outwardly rushing up with Chris
“Shawn how” Brain asking rushing away
“If she tries to come in were going right thru the doors”
”Holy shit we’re leaving’ hurry everyone were crashing thru the doors”
Not even watching for her just getting back to the ship, Mike jumping out watching everyone hearing Brian “What happen” Pointing to get in “Where going now get in” Brian already sitting , Jumping over Josh plopping in my seat, Mike taking the center waving the lights dust started flying from the bottom.
“Look she’s at the side door watching us” Lisa said standing at the door trying to get it to close.
Seeing out our front screen turning colors watching her at the side door trying the knob, it was still braced under the knob we had a chance of getting out again seeing her head to the glass looking right at us trying to wave, knocking on the door really hard sending the shivers up my spine just frozen looking at the door seeing her at the glass, already starting to sweat felling the dampness under my arms with each knock on the door “what’s taken so long for this thing to move”, “It’s not lighting up here just flickering” Wake him up hurry up” turning back shaking Josh back and forth Chris and Faye staying near the rear scared, Josh wasn’t waking.
Climbing over the seat tugging on him, Mike pointing for Lisa to get in the seat, lifting Josh upward looking at his eyes, he was out like a light “He’s out of it”
“Did he die”
“No he not dead Mike he passed out”
“Push that peddle down harder it’s moving”
“The door’s still open”
“Will get it later, get that boy up Shawn”
Brian reach over grabbing my arm looking upward then looking back before I could see the door spotting the older guy Blair walking right to the door, Mike stomping on the peddles trying to fire it up unable to only getting a load humming sound from the bottom.
“Brian’ Please open the door! … Brian’ don’t go please wait”
Turning looking right at Brian my hair razing she’s calling Brian just frozen, looking out the screen window at the door, feeling something grabbing me looking back it was Josh reaching around my neck blinking his eyes. “He’s awake”
“Make it move Josh hurry” Mike hollering back “Dam this thing it’s not moving come-on Josh help us” Mike all nerviest banging on the consoled, Brian lowered his head at the consoled back and forth “It’s no use Mike” “Why won’t it go why” Banging his hands again, Josh crying holding me, Lisa getting out of the chair the ship just stopping dead, Brain scooted to the door looking out with Lisa stepping down staring at the side door, unable to stopping them looking up to Mike laying his head down on the consoled starting to cry, we we’re done for found out for sure now, what could happen next I didn’t even want to know leaning into Josh.
“Brian’ Brian please wait” the lady said wiping the window hearing the crack in her voice, Brian stood looking at her Chris rush over to him standing with Lisa watching the door, Faye came over to us leaning over upset just holding us all together, Glancing up seeing our screen turning back, over at the door Brian walking towards it, moving away from them just as I got the doorway “Brain no” He looked back just holding the board. Mike heard me getting up rushing over with Faye bringing Josh to the doorway.
“Kid’s Please we know you’re here’ please open the door” Doc said with a throbbing voice knocking again on the door holding her next to him.
“Brian it’s me May” She said sadly between her tears, holding her hanky.
“We got to let them in” Brian said stepping closer to Chris.
“Brian who are they?” Mike said jumping right out rushing over to him already turning the lever, Mike stopping him just in time before unlocking it, looking right at the window seeing both of them watching.
“Brian you win unlock it then, you just killed all of us”
Turning the knob Brian open the door Chris right by his side looking at the two standing just staring at them, she was all teary eye as her face lit up smiling at them, wiping the tears reaching out for him hugging him now, while the Doc stood watching them a few seconds before looking over at us three looking from the ship.
“It’s ok your alright no one’s gon’na harm you” Doc said slowly walking over towards us, Brian still with her and Lisa, Mike moved away from them getting by us standing in front of the ships door watching them, Josh holding my leg with Faye holding him stepping away from the ship almost tripping over the tarp watching him walking over mostly looking down at Josh. “Which one of you is Jose?”
Mike step out in front of Josh hiding him “There’s no Jose here Mister”
Doc stopped looking right at Mike, turning looking back at the May and Brian, all of us also looked up at them her head snapped right upward looking at all of us “No he’s here Doc’ they’re all here I see them all of them even” she stopped and started crying again.
“One of you has got to be Jose, who’s been hurt!” Doc in a frim voice directed right at Mike, trying to see around him
“That’s Josh! Behind everyone” Brian said outward pointing over at us; Mike holding him from behind, Josh held my leg tighter trying to hide his arm, Faye moved inward more shielding him, Hearing him staring to cry with all of us tightly around him keeping him safe as we could together.
”Why Josh?” Mike asking moving his head sideways looking back down at him
“The Boy Jose I want it’s his arm its badly infected”
“No he’s fine we fix it already” Mike holding onto Josh’s side starting to shake standing looking at him, hearing Josh crying Faye quickly moved behind be taking Josh more holding him, I looked back seeing them two, tapping Mike.
“Son just relax here,’ I’m Doctor Blair and Your name is”
“Mike… Marcus”
“Ok Mike’ you seem to be the one in charge I’m a Doctor”
“Doctor’ How did you know we were here?”
“It’s a long story Mike”
Thanks’ everyone for following along it’s been a ride working on second chapters doing what possible with the weather, keeping me busy also hurry up spring we all had plenty of this winter already Will.

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For if only a Printed Book

February 28, 2013

For if only a Printed Book

 Book company’s out there’ your loss is my gain in the long run’ here I thought writing a story just might be good’ oh how wrong I was to think it was the next big thing, we’ll try and get a teenager to sit down and read from a book these days forget it, Don’t get me wrong here some kids like books if they find one like Harry potter or now the hunger games out on the shelf look again where is that book today sitting on some shelf collecting dust, as soon as the movie comes out these books our case aside. The old days of reading have somehow gone by the wayside today every teenager is just too involved in computer games or handheld games.

 Writing a story takes hard work the teller gets into everything they put down on paper or like most of us now typing on our computers for the next big thing to be on the shelf for our readers, Last week I stood in the grocery store watching three young kids checking out the book rack, what do you think they were looking at Novel’s you would hope, no magazine after magazine thumbing pages placing them back on the shelf before their parent came looking for them, One young girl was looking at the paperback covers on the high shelf’s Love and Romance getting all excited trying to check a few out replacing it just as fast, while the Boys seemed to be checking on the middle shelf for more the adventure type of mythical battles again in paperbacks.

 Novel in hand checking out the contents while scanning the long shelf of all type of books, gee four rows of all kinds of books carefully line up on the shelf one behind the other almost twelve feet long to choose from adults on the top, next three mixed adventure stories hardback and paperback of all sizes and shapes, not just one size so they look good stacked together like we use to have in the old living room, checking it out more finding, Just published on the end cap by your favorite authors placed side by side most without a space between them in hardback reduced in price or twenty-five percent off hoping you’ll take it.

 What was I thinking when I was writing that book; someday it would be on this shelf with every great Author out there, even today ending still keep up looking over the authors names just imagination my book sitting on the shelf along with the best sellers group, There it is my cover along the other great covers standing out just waiting for that one person to reach up and take a look inside, that not happening of course walking away and what happens they start haunting me from every aisle checking each box or package I’ve pick up wondering what would they do in a grocery store, wanting to get home with this thought in mine ready to start typing away on my computer.

 Enthusiastic sure I just had to get into it forgetting how much time it took just type away sometimes losing all time into the early hours, Thinking was it the writing or maybe just something to do, like I had so much I could have been doing everything put on the back burner it can wait till later, no matter what it just seemed better the next day to get something done just had to get my story down while it was fresh everything else can just take a back seat, day after day night after night getting it just right everything followed along every part just fell into place it was ready to put it out in the world, sending it off to a few with all the glory of getting the big great job!, till receiving each back having only to look at what they said the big Sorry not interested, or Scrap it! What a put down what a waste of time.

 Dream that’s shattered before it even got to print, wasted my time no if anything I’ve learn what to say and more how to write it better over the past few years, but it was electrifying to sit typing away each adventure becoming realistic, ok so they didn’t like that’s not going to stop me from writing again or Publishing it myself after three months of editing it getting just right for print, Thankfully so many have read it over the past few years and watch the story grow here on WordPress.com and twitter, After thinking hard what to do beside looking forward to it on the store shelves it was sent out to be published on fifty books ordered, I can only thank the readers for wanting it that made this possible their copies will be sent as soon as there ready again don’t let anyone tell you it’s Not for them it’s your dream make it happen.                      ‘Thank You’ All that have stayed with me over the years Will.

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Yellow jacket Novel lost it

February 13, 2013

Yellow Jacket Novel lost it

 Blogger’s it’s been a Ruff Ride the past few months here, working on my Manuscript Fiction book as requested by a few company’s out there after all the work editing to what they wanted only to reach back and say no to so many changes in my story, even the name saying itb was at the bottom of some list, We change the name and did everything they wanted! This big cut just wasn’t what I had in mind, they took my story and lost the whole thing changing everything to what they thought was best for it, then wanting more cuts to many words for printing.

 Back tracking the last chapters reducing it and making each chapter longer as needed for printing better pages, leaving ending chapter taken out for another book sometime, well they agreed with that saying maybe we can do something later’ after getting the book cover ready and ok after a few edits here and there before we agreed on one, then came the print edit of the story smaller print and of course  they didn’t like the spelling of a young kid talking’ no one would understand this language, wanting to put it just as he the character would be saying it at his age and education of living on the street, sure it’s not English just plain and simple street talk what’s wrong with that’ so I was wrong they told me! Who are you people anyway, they told me to cool off a few and will talk later, right told them to forget about it.

 Stuck was able to work with the other company that did like it only to find out they wanted more than just all rights to the story! wanting me to stop on line also telling it and remove it. Forget that this is what drove me to writing again I like it here on WordPress and intended to stay here and keep the story going. So much for them and all the big dreams of a book deal, but I was able to contact yet another company that will do my book at cost, so what at least I’ll have my book made after all that work and time edit and set up the way I want it not the way others thought it should be.

 Why do they have to change everything to what would sell, sure everyone wants to become the next big Novels Story teller out there, but I just want to be able to do it on my own time and enjoy the story as I write it feeling like I’m part of a story and feeling everything in the story sad or happy, it’s what keeps me going along the way of my characters lives as they do become part of you in everyday life, so bloggers it was in my best interest to go the other way making me happy ordering my book’s was the best way I felt at this time the cost was high but the feeling of soon seeing it in print will be well worth the trouble, thank you all for still hanging in with me during this little set back I look forward to writing again Thank you all Will.

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Between me you and God 10 Last

September 18, 2012

Between Me You and God 10

BMYG  Part Ten.

Today is been just another day at the beach for me and Lucky, watching the waves come in shore, it’s so peaceful here late at night no one around just the sound of the waves, what a lonesome sound with the moon casing off the waves, Went thru the six pack now back home seeing someone called, Becky checking on us again every other day she calling making sure I still pick up the phone now and then, Becky came by about two mounts ago and found me sleeping on the floor must have scared her she didn’t even try to wake me just called for help, she was relived I was ok more scared that I went without saying goodbye.

It’s been a ride for me for sure the big wave is coming in soon, time has its limited now dam liver problems,  my own fault too much drinking, it happens old friend yea we got old somehow, Guess you made it this far in the tapes or maybe you just grabbed the last one, I said a lot of things that maybe should have brought out long ago, hey you live with things and try to put them behind you and move on with your life, Well my friend I truly wanted to thank you for being my friend over the years, You may not know your letters over the years I’ve cherished wondering how you could just get up and travel around without a care, Did you know how much you made me dream of all those place’s, Post cards and photo’s what a adventure you had.

Keeping myself busy also married once and three kids, that was a long time ago we don’t talk and last time I even seen the kids the oldest was five, some other guy raised them with his name  and never heard from them, that’s been some twenty some years, not even a card or Christmas card from them guess I was written off, hey anytime I wanted company working at the shack was never a dull night, that brings me back to when we were young growing up around Cody before his work became involved then he found the love of his life moving away, do you still remember him the hippie sixties dude we called him, Some weekends he took you and me to Friendly’s for burgers mostly just an Ice Cream, what a chap escape he was now that I think of it a few times we went to the arcade, and you yes you were the one that got me on that roller coaster, holy crap was I scared but you took control just held me till it stopped, you sat wiping the tears away telling me we were down almost having to pry me from the seat, but I got even then again I had to force you into surfing the waves come on you got to admit the only waves we got where from the ships, just think if we were in that big state California you always talked about, hey I still got that old Ron Jon’s shirt you sent me.

It’s morning here bright sunny day the kids will be flocking in the arcade, never thought as kids I’d be working here during the summer, it’s my job to keep them games running, helping out in other activities of the environment protection, beach volleyball or even taking youth groups on fishing trips, of course a lot of kids have skateboards no matter how many times you tell them they still want to try the new stuff, besides becoming an EMT came in handy, Lifeguard during the busy weekends, you could always pickup plenty of girls being a lifeguard.

As much as I’d like to rattle on tape is running out so let me get right to it and again wish we had more time together, thanks for coming by it meant a great deal to me. This is my last tape so let me get down to what I wanted to tell you before it runs out; Going back before we moved here from what I’ve told you I do hope you now understand some of what happen to me as a child, still sometimes feeling the hurt knowing it wasn’t my fault it happen why things happen when you’re a small boy or even a girl that sometimes we don’t understand till later in life, no one said anything back in the sixties about bad men or women, today it’s all over and every kid now knows about them from their parents or schools, what to look out for not to ride in cars don’t talk to strangers, the fear is always with you no matter how old you get I don’t care what they say it’s like a haunting memory, more and more wondering if we moved because what happen in our town, Cody coming to live with us when he did, Mom said he needed a place to stay for awhile, I don’t remember him working back then either strange thing, comes to mind he went to the church a few times sure only when I went not my sister’s, when we lost our first Lucky he was the one that found another one just like her, do you know that I’ve had four Lucky’s now, hope this one sticks around a little longer with me, this one like beer half for her and half for me, so if a kid gets hurt by one of these persons what happen to them, all the talk today they become just like the person that betrayed them as a kid! That’s so wrong it only makes you more aware of what goes on in the minds of people.

Twelve going on Thirteen the man years of adolescence talking about girls didn’t bother me at all, hell going to the beach you could always see more young girls in bikinis most reviling thin print pattern less than Panties or bra’s letting your mind wonder, watching them run around how could you help not laying belly down in the sand afraid to turn over, how many times did both of us stay on the beach watching them play ball, even today the boys still do it. joining them a few times till nature called, even in gym class we had shorts most of the time not wearing our shirts and how they would tease us, the only time I even felt it again was at thirteen from a gym teacher trying to help me up a rope placing his hand on my rear, he didn’t mean anything by it, but I still had that fear even at thirteen, again that vulnerability that I felt was more a fear of what could happen again, perpetrators of the abuse come in many forms sometimes we fall into individuals that don’t care about the outcome only what they want and how they get it.

Parents conveniently let kids go thinking everything’s fine they know them’ it’s not like they were strangers. Mothers care for Cuts with Band-Aids they hurt when you hurt, try to confide your fears and worries making them easy to live with, having no father it was hard you just can’t go to Mom and tell her what going on sometimes you need a male image that you could confide your worst fears and worries to more a role model you could follow hoping to become like them, understanding why you feel the way you do, Mom never like my boyish paraphernalia of girls hanging on the wall, a few did had to go Mom telling me they exposed to much really Mom they had swim suits’ they were taken down but not thrown away, Cody even had a few magazines around he knew we looked at them but never asked what we thought about, more just telling us to make sure we put them back out of sight., getting back to what I was saying before retelling this is not an attempt to bring up bad times as a victim more ensuring that justice was done, more how do we prevent this abuse in the future, the media and publicity are all victims by attracting too much publicity not having any heart for the victims at all more heartless for a story in print, if they go to court to testify that could be devastating to any young person boy or girl, making spectacles of the accused person forgetting the child, who’s eyes fill with tears reliving the event over and over the fear and disgust they had to go thru, who failed to protect them when they needed someone to love and respect them as a child not a trophy for someone.

Life goes on closure in what they call criminal court cases takes a long time dragging on sometimes for a decade or more, mostly the accused will die before any justice is done leaving the victim to repeat their statement over and over, some try to drop the whole thing getting on with life like I did and so many more had to, who would believe a ten year old going to court back in the day or even today our society is deaf to the pleas for far too long more taking a back seat to it these kids are never taken seriously they don’t believe it more than not they just allowed us to tell our story of the horrible things which happen to us, without any recognition or judgment about our plight. They have turned a blind eye to the victims. Some day they will understand the child and what he or she has to deal with all thru life, having no control as a child, thankfully I never said anything before what a mess my life would have been I’m just thankful Mom was there to see things as they were not asking, just there if I needed her she must have known but never let on just more aware of what we did and were we went.

Thank you friend for just being my friend in life  Joe.

Joe sorry we couldn’t talk about this beforehand I understand can understand you, it’s a hard thing to deal with for any child at any age, you did what you felt was right and maybe Cody help in so many ways you just over looked he was there for you during the peak years you needed someone to talk to just being yourself, life is so precious we should never let it go to waste.

Readers this was Joe’s last tape before he left us hope you read some of it, it wasn’t easy listening to his voice breaking so many times before he finished telling his life past granted Becky and Trisha have also read them before I let any go to print here,, Thank you both for allowing me the chance to share Joe’s story.

Sent your comments if you like Thanks’ for reading it Will

Last Part of Joe Called.

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Between Me You and G 9

September 12, 2012

Between Me You and G-9

BMYG  Part Nine.

Sitting here I feel like a fool talking to a Tape recorder having my beer with Lucky eating chips that by the way spilled trying to set this mike up again,. You know times were hard back then and I just don’t know how to tell you I’m mostly talking here to Lucky when she not sleeping, the radio playing the oldies bringing be back to that year of the hippies you might say; so like I was saying before we did go to the church and meet the new Father, The Bible studies were in the main room with the girls now, they even had adults now teaching instead of just the Father, Candle services were in teams of four even if most of the younger kids left right after, all outside activities were canceled with the groups more preaching the Bible only.

It was ok for most of the older folks, now Becky and Trisha did go to the other church till we moved, not for me it just didn’t feel right anymore something about it change me maybe it was what happen maybe not, when does a ten year old kid know anyway school was even hard work not wanting to do homework more just playing outside, when the weather was bad out I’d stay in my room reading a book or playing with my toy cars, if the girls were out I’d watch more TV. Having the TV to myself on Sundays was great till they came home of course, Mom was working late hours coming home just as the news was ending checking on all of us before she went to bed always giving me a kiss on the forehead every night, a few times more that I’d like to say it happen having night mares waking up in the middle of the night with a wet bed, Mom never asked why it happen only saying I would grow out of it not to worry all boys sometimes they have the same problem, The biggest thing being scared when Mom had question my sisters about the wash, mostly my underwear missing seemed she had to buy more than normal, believe me I tried hard to get the blood out after church it wasn’t the food or too much cheese as I hope it was till that day, likely it healed and the only time I got new ones was at Christmas or start of school like every other kid did.

Uncle Cody moved in with us, taking the top bunk so Lucky could stay with me on the bed, Cody was more like an older brother to me going fishing, playing baseball sort of more throwing the ball back and forth in the yard, most of the time we were chasing Lucky to retrieve the ball, winning the girls at board games, Cody even like music teaching me steps to some of it, mostly we’d sit on the floor taking in the sounds moving the speakers around the room, he even made most of our dinners making sure I ate his French Beans, still to this day I won’t eat those things squirmy things like split worms in water. Any time we were going someplace together Cody always phoning mom before we took off, a few times we had to wait for her to call back.

Then it happen one late night being woken up by Mom and Cody talking in the kitchen, harsh words went back and forth between then, staying out of sight standing by the doorway when I heard them talking about going to court and getting a lawyer for me, what did I do that they needed a lawyer believe me I was getting scared leaving the doorway walking right in on them, both just stopped and told me to sit down they needed to talk to me, Mom told me they wanted me in court to give evidence against the Church. Here I thought everyone forgot about it, telling them I knew nothing about what went on behind his closed door, only what I heard around school what happen and the boys involved had left school or they moved.

Mom was silent and pulled me into to her telling me we were moving soon, asking how I would like to start a new school making new friends, sure I like it here but moving away I wanted to do more than anything I even thought of running away just to get away from all the talk going around even the boys in gym picking on any boy in church. Of course she asked if that was why I stopped going I just said yes.   No matter what I was not going to any court against the church, Cody did agreed with her and not to be afraid of what other say, I told them about a few boys in school hitting me telling me not to talk or they would kill me, well Cody about jumped out of his seat wanting to go get them boys asking who they were, I never seen him mad like this before, mom talked him back down off his high horse. Cody didn’t sleep much that night nor did I thinking maybe I said something that slipped out.

Jake’s Dad got transferred in the Air force just before Cody came to stay with us, Jake told me he would never say anything and owe me his life, that’s funny him owing me his life maybe helping him was right he turned out ok, Got married had four kids and still in the Service last I knew. You know I didn’t have many friends back then mostly keep to myself more afraid of what could happen, Tom had run into me a few times before he was pickup by the police still in his gym suit everyone just watch him squirm crying as they took him away, every time I looked at him I wanted to hurt him back but not in the way he did to me, where he was going they have a lot of guys that like young boys hope he gets what’s coming to him, what goes around comes around I remember hollering out as they dragged him out.

This tape working ok We were out fishing one afternoon me and Cody by the stream not thinking the ground was still damp slipping off the bank right into the muddy water, Cody helped me out I had lost the fishing pole, soaking wet more Panicked I was drowning Cody rush over helping me out, that’s when he found out I didn’t know how to swim, He showed me later how to swim holding me in the water till I could swim, anyway that day when I feel in we went home and no one was home it was a weekend the girls were off visiting, Cody told me to get clean up before they came home, so I took a Shower, now I always lock the door so my sisters won’t come barging in on me for some reason not thinking I left it open hurry to get in the shower stripping off my clothes jumping right in relaxed under the water letting it run thru my hair, Cody said hurry up don’t take all day in there, realizing he was just outside the glass doors in the bathroom turning off the water I slowly open the door and just looked at him. All kinds of thoughts went thru my head standing with the door open my whole body started trembling, He turn back around hearing me starting to cry, whatever he said I don’t remember only him grabbing the towel and pulling me out of the shower sitting me down on the thrown, I crying scared for what reason I don’t know why it just started, Cody dried me off taking me into the bedroom helping me get dressed, we sat on the bed Cody ask what happen why I froze in the shower like that.

Telling him I just got scared I was drowning dying falling into hell, he sat with me telling me I was fine it was only because I didn’t know how to swim, telling me the water was only waist high and if I just stood up I could have walk out of it, wanting to know what else was bothering me saying he would never tell Mom if I had something to tell him about the church, he would understand why I never said anything to anybody about it before but he had to know, I told him only what I heard and that I was glad he didn’t do anything with me in that way, Cody told me sometimes people go wrong and they need help, asking again if I needed help coping with it more just between us two, I couldn’t tell him as much as I wanted to, just to let someone know about it maybe it would have helped me but I couldn’t do it, always asking myself why didn’t they run, if they knew what was going on they should have run out scramming from the room someone would have heard them putting a stop to it, who would believe a kid na let him live his life in guilt and shame the parent didn’t want to hear about such things going on in their little town it would change their society status, maybe they were just too embarrassed to tell they were being fondled by the Father and Tom being the worst if they only knew he was everyone’s imagine of the perfect boy well at least that was shattered to all those good people.

Cody was like a brother now, no way was he going to think of me like his remarks to the TV set when different things came on, about wife abuse or men changing sex gander it was a big thing beck then with the end of the sixties with Woodstock, now we even if we played the say music at times it didn’t seem wrong freedom peace and all that hey I had bell bottom jeans and leather vest with peace emblems and save the earth Peace not War, wonder what ever happen to it must have lost it over the years.

That summer we moved to this house that was in nineteen seventy, new school new house even a big back yard for Lucky, the water scared me some Cody know it, the first day we got there I stood staring at the water watching the huge waves rushing inward, it was the first time I even seen salt water it smelled strong even from across the street, Kids were swimming playing volleyball and the smell of fish tickled my noise, watching as a boat slowly made its way down that was no waist deep hoping I could still swim, we didn’t even get unpacked when both Becky and Trisha had their swimming suits on rushing to the water, Cody told me to get my trunks on were all going in, finding them getting dressed meeting all five on the beach lucky was having a good time chasing the gulls, everyone was splashing around in the water while I stayed on the beach playing with Lucky, no matter how much they wanted me to come in with them no way was I going in that smelly dark green water.

Of course later I came to love the green water as time went on as I called it back then when I first saw it, everything here was different then not like today do you remember riding bikes down the middle of the road late at night. Ok that’s another story so it’s late I’ll talk on the next round of tapes, if your still with me, life is short so live like everyday your last that’s what lucky and me are doing enjoying life to its fullest.

Will here almost done with the tapes a lot of editing trying to understand all of what Joe was saying inbetween his back and forth having to cut most of it so only one more post coming on Joe’s tapes hope you could follow most of what he had to go thru will post next one soon. Sent your comments if you like Thanks’ for reading it Will

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Beetween Me You and G 8

September 6, 2012

B M Y and G 8

BMYG  Part Eight.

Joe’s life in prospect to his childhood must have been very hard being a much wiser ten year old kid, Sixty minutes of tapes rattling on about his life as a youth, how it must have haunted him wondering why he never reach out for some help, was it more fear of what others would think of him or maybe he just was to afraid. Joe must have wanted to talk about it to somebody, maybe this was his only way he could do it sitting in his chair drinking a beer petting Lucky, no one to hear what his life held deep inside. We can’t help if we don’t know what happen! how many still hold it inside trying to forget, no one should have to go thru what Joe did for so many years.

Tape fourteen starts off: During Dinner Mom had asked the girls about the church how they were doing both of them together just looked over at me, how I just wanted to crawl under the table looking at them two, Saying they had classes but most of it was boring now same old stuff, songs didn’t even change from week to week anymore. When mom asked them about a change; both agreed with her saying the other church seems to do more things and make more visits to the elderly; Most of the other girls already went to the other church now anyway. Becky said they had altar boys and girls also making it clear to me it’s not just for boys everyone takes part in activities, Mom told them to check it out with your friend’s maybe Joe wants to go, when she said that I almost dropped my fork surprised. Mom didn’t bring up about the letter.

Thursday during school I was called into the office, Two men in suites stood looking at me with the vice principle, sitting down they asked me all kinds of question back and forth all about what went on in church and what I did, asking about Harry and Jake I told them only what I could without telling them, Next thing I knew Mom came storming in the door not even knocking telling them to stop and told me to get up and wait outside she slammed the door I just sat in the chair till she came out; Fire could have come out of her nose she was so mad pointing her finger at both of them I don’t think they got to many words in, when she came out she asked me if I was ok and go get my things were where going home, rushing to my locker gathering up my books heading to the door when Jake started walking towards us.

Mom stopped him asking if he was going to the office, when he said he was called out of class, her face got all red , looking back down the hall telling Jake if your parents aren’t here you coming home with us, Jake just agreed with her saying he had all his work already didn’t have to get anything, we headed for the car a man was standing next to it telling her he was going to take us in for questioning, Try it was all she said he stepped back letting us in, going the wrong way for home, Jake sat in the middle mom pounded her hand on the wheel a few times only smiling over at us asking if we were ok, Mom drove into A&W parking on the side away from the front area , ordering what we wanted and sat down, Jake asked why they called me in the office hearing my name called before they called his name’ what was going on. Mom just looked up asking both of us did they ask you a lot of question or putting words in your mouth, they wanted to hear raising her eyes waiting.

Telling her they asked about church and what happen in church what I did and who else were in the study group, I just stayed quite like you always said don’t talk to anybody when you feel uncomfortable or someone’s asking question they have no right asking about family. She ask Jake if they asked him anything he sat smiling at her say she got to him before they did, we sat having another frosty while mom was on the phone, me and Jake were making like we had mustaches with the ice cream foam, while Mom was busy Jake ask if I talked I quickly told him no and not to bring it up no one ever has to know, he agreed, Mom came back sitting down smiling at us telling Jake his Dad would pick him up later at our house, Jake was all excided.

When we got home hoping to see an early movie  turning it on, Mom told us to go to the bedroom for awhile she needed to talk on the phone and it would be a little to loud, we always talked on the phone with the TV on before she needed it private, we played a few card games hearing the doorbell ring rushing outward mom said to wait she’ll get it, we both stood by the couch looking at the door, Mom open it outside the screen was the same man from the parking lot, he only wanted to talk to her not us, Mom told us to go back in the room and she went outside, Becky and Trisha came home coming in the back door wanting to know what was going on why was mom home from work so early why were we home what did we do now.

Trisha was the worst one asking the question making like we did something bad, Jake rush to the bed started crying I remember pushing past he right to the front door opening it so fast saying Mom come quickly, Forgetting at the man talking to her she and the man rush inside Trisha just asking them what happen, Mom was mad telling her to sit down and shut up, She sat down with Jake talking softly to him with her hand telling me to go in the other room, turning around the man stood there closing the door behind me sitting down on the couch he sat also not saying anything, Mom finely came out closing the door behind her saying he’ll be ok just let him be a few, Trisha start your homework in the other room in a force full tone, Mom sat down looking at the man ok will go see him and that’s all got it, he just knotted his head thank you and left.

They won’t ask question at school again without a parent in the room, go ask Jake if he like to watch TV’ her voice was soften walking into the kitchen. Me and Jake got to watch gun smoke and a few other good western that we liked before dinner, Becky had set the table for seven not five, asking who was coming over mom said Jakes parents’ wow they never had dinner with us before it was the first time, Mom had every little detail even the napkins folded Trisha wasn’t saying much now keeping quite helping in the kitchen not fighting for the TV. The door bell rang it was Jakes Parents Jake ran over to his Mother and hugged her and his Father bringing them into the livingroom, Mom came out talking off her apron saying a few words to them before we all sat down having dinner, of course me and Jake were looking at all the dishes and platters mom used Jake looked at the stove tapping me to look over at the stove full of pans, We had our work cut out for the night that was for sure lowering our heads eating, Mom most have seen us reaching over patting Jakes hand he looked up as I did she told him We weren’t doing them tonight so enjoy the meal we both dug right in have seconds.

That night Jake stayed over we had a good time rooming around hearing the news coming on it was late already now we were in trouble for sure staying up so late, Mom was watching TV we both gave her a hug saying goodnight and we were sorry we stayed up late, she wasn’t mad at all telling us we had to see someone in the morning and not going to school, Jake asked about his parents knowing about it, she told him his Father would meet us there get some sleep don’t worry yourselves about it they would be with us.

Thursday morning mom woke both of us up with breakfast ready ham and eggs, looking up at the clock it was after nine already first time in a long time I over sleep, Jake was still tired sitting down, both girls already went to school mom sat having her coffee. When we got to the building Jakes Dad was waiting in the parking lot for us, we walked in like a family together it was a nice feeling both of them walking behind us Jake even held the door open. We were escorted to a room four chairs on one side and just one on the other a White coat man stood greeting us shaking our hands before we sat down, us two in the middle Jake held his leg next to mine, he started off asking small question about family matters and how we got along, so I said about Becky and Trisha always picking on us and bossing us around a lot, Mom chuckled a few times so did Jakes Dad as we both talk more about games and sports, then the question was out in front of us asking about the church,.

Jake started to get a little antsy his dad told him it was alright to tell him anything that went on that we thought about was wrong, Jake told them about the candle service talking to long and we didn’t do a lot in church but sit around studying the Bible booklet, he again asked if he or I was ever taken in the Fathers study, Jake said yes I almost died right there looking over to him saying we went in to get our coats and books sometimes but it for the older boys only, I was so scared sitting trying not to sweat, Mom knew something was up she rub my backside a few times anything you want to add? I just looked at her and back to the White coat We only asked if we could change churches to do more things that’s all is that so wrong of us” He sat looking at both of us asking us to wait outside for a few, Jake and I both got up so fast wanting to get away from him waited watching around at all the kids in different rooms grouped together not like school more one on one sitting on the floor in circles, When they both came out we asked if we did ok being reassured we did and were fine, Jake went with his Dad and Mom and me went home.

Sitting down mom gave me a soda surprised it wasn’t kool-aid, Mom asked a few more question still not letting on about what happen, Mom told me that a new Pastor was taking over the church and what I thought about it, when this happen? Mom said it was something bad the Father was doing to other boys and they found a bunch of stuff from the boys that he had, asking what kind of stuff I still have all my stuff, She smiled at me saying it was ok and if anything did happen to tell her about it so she could help, asking again about what she found out she said that the Church location him in another state, you know me with the question and I asked. He’s why’ he had to leave to another parish, I was glad he was gone but couldn’t let on she told me they transferred priest to other parishes that need them., ok mom sure send them to another church where they can start all over in a new town, how much I wanted to tell her what happen to me but I just couldn’t, more thinking how she would see me her son that did this bad thing letting it happen, I did let it happen I should have stopped it I was so weak and wanting to cry that it happen but I found out what was happen not only to me but the others if only but I did it I found out and pound the photos and save us, only how can I still be her son anymore thinking more I’d be kick out or lockup put in a jail, if they found out I was the one who sent the photos and ripped up ours  more telling Jake to be silent about it. Mom was ok reassuring me saying maybe the new Father would work more with the study groups, taking over this Sunday and she go with us to meet him.

Telling you all this is like it was yesterday, how many years does it take to get over something like this maybe it just never goes away from you it’s always in the back of your brain waiting for you to see something that triggers it out again, if this had happen today he would have played hell for it, I know he went to hell and I look forward to going to the heavens someday just knowing deep down I did nothing wrong, sorry just raddled on a little here now Sunday came and we meet the new Father with his congregation of worried people wondering what happen well nothing was said about what went on before just like Mom said he was transferred to another parish in another state.

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Between Me You and God 7

August 31, 2012

Between Me You and God 7
BMYG The tapes Part Seven.
Sunday’s came and went it seem like a long winter mostly cold some snow, that year Christmas was good Mom got a raise able to buy a few more things that we needed, She and my sisters even went to Christmas Mass, Candle persons now were posted , mine again wasn’t till February. Sunday study was a different thing all together after Christmas Things changed more of the boys were in study, being that I studied so hard Father Spears made me leader of the Group study, that was ok he still took a few in his study over the weeks most of the boys I knew from school three of them had the same classes as I did.
Tom seemed to be in every study with Father Spears, I was called a few times alright that’s when I found out what went on during Study in that room, Father Spears wore his robe more often with sandals sitting in his chair that did seem weird shrugging it off, once they asked if I would take a boy home he wasn’t feeling well, It was Jake from school I knew him we had lunch together and even worked on homework; He was sitting on the couch in his rob seeing he didn’t have his pants on looking around for them sitting on the desk chair, handing them to him he just looked up at me and started crying with his head down, I remember sitting with him holding him into me till he got hold of himself, Tom had walked by a few times looking in but never said anything, he was able to get dressed not wanting to go home asking if he could spend the night with me, Mom won’t mind if it was ok with his mom.
Jake told me what happen to him in the study, when I asked him about wearing the rob he said it was suppose to be more with Jesus as he would have dressed but then they started fooling around some and things happen, asking him how much wine he had only one glass and was feeling sick so they stopped asking why they did things like that it was a church was he suppose to do that, after he had his crying time again I could only reassure him it wasn’t right and something was wrong here, he said he could never tell his folks about it he was at fault going along with what they were doing, we agreed not to say anything about it that night, all week I thought about it what happen to him might be happen to other boys as well maybe that’s what happen to me, I needed to find out on my Sunday candle day then I would know what happen.
It just so happen that that Sunday Father Spears was his old self greeting everyone in church; Tom said I had Candle service that day even thou it wasn’t my turn yet, one of the boys had to go out of town, Jake was here and a few others why didn’t they ask them I wasn’t ready this wasn’t what I had plan for it was too soon. Service went well so I played the part all the way to study after service I rush to the store still in my rob getting a quart of milk, being one up on them beforehand reading about it in some magazine so you don’t get wasted drinking, returning like I had been in another room drying my shoes off inbetween hiccups now, Tom seen me in the kitchen asking if I was studying with them, of course I was he did ask about the shoes I told him I had to help someone to their car, what a lie that was in church at that.
Two boys were on the outside couch with books telling me they were waiting inside, sure enough they were seating inside talking just the two of them smiling at me when I walk in leaving the door open sitting on the couch still in my rob without a book, Father handed me a bible opening it to a page, looking down not really looking at it hearing Tom closing the door telling them when they were done they could go home. Geneses he was pointing at and Tom brought over the wine and glasses.
After two glasses I felt ok it wasn’t bothering me but I played the part remembering on the second glass how I felt before, sure enough Tom started taking my shoes off the verses were a little fuzzy so Father spears told me to lay down for a few, I did both of them had taken off all my cloths and were touching my whole body keeping still as best I could letting them, they placed my hand on well parts of them each taking their photos with each of the flashes squinting my eyes a few times moving about feeling sore before they both stopped placing the rob back on laying me down, I stayed there hearing them leaving the room with one eye I could see the draw open and a camera sitting on top of the desk, sitting upward looking at the chair there sat all my clothes, I was sore front and back and here I thought I had eaten something bad before along it was them, Tom walk in looking at me telling me to get dressed study was over, taken the camera and closing the draw leaving the room, the door was open so I hurried getting dressed checking the draw finding photos of the other boys as well as mind.
A deep knot was In my throat now knowing what happen why did I let them do it maybe I was as much to blame as they were. All kinds of thoughts went thru my mind that day how could this have happen to me what would Mom say’ god I couldn’t tell her what would she think of me them I just better not ever bring this up.
Seeing Tom in school he tried to avoid me but I stopped him in the stairway asking what happen during study only telling him that I remember something about it waking up, he told me to talk to Father Spears about it, when Lunch time came I left school went right over to the church looking for him only to ask him about it, he was busy in the main church with a few persons, so I went into the study sitting on the couch waiting for him only I keep thinking about the photos mine mostly looking to the door; I could hear him still talking, he didn’t see me come in checking out the desk there they were the photos rubbishing thru them finding all of mine and Jakes just laying there even seeing Harrys.
I took all of ours no one would ever see them quickly placing them in my pocket leaving before he was done returning to school; I had only miss two classes no big deal I could make it up later; just before school ended Tom had stopped me asking if I had went over to see him during lunch of course no one seen me I told him no I was in the library and I see him later or Sunday. He looked at me telling me Fathers only going to tell you it’s between you him and God and not to talk about it. I hurried home before my sisters got home calling Jake telling him I needed to see him right away I had something for him, even called harry ask him to come by he said he couldn’t waiting for Jake looking at the time rushing to Mom’s desk an got a envelope and stamp wrote Harry’s name and address placing his inside, just making it to the door in time to hand it to the mailman wow I remember how close that was.
Jake and I became good friends spending more time together doing homework playing football so he was always welcome by Mom of course my sisters didn’t mind we do the dishes even enjoy doing them together, Jake dad dropped him off with his nap sack for the night even if it was a school night didn’t matter giving his folks time to them self, Mom made dinner and we watch TV just like we always did after the movie we did our homework and said goodnight Mom just said don’t stay up now you boys have school, Jake even gave her a hug before we went up.
That night I showed him what I found he was shocked what he saw agreeing not ever to mention it to anyone we had the only photos and we cut them up into small pieces no one would ever put them back together, we were safe agreeing that we would both check out Harrys church but we have to come up with a reason we want to change churches, Hey church was an important part of life back then we talked it over some during the week, Looking for Harry to see if he got the envelope not finding him all week, Sunday came Jake left with his folks and Tom stayed by me telling me Father wanted to talk to me. So I waited for him in the church not his study, he sat down next to me asking if I needed to talk to him about study, I told him no god knows I did my best to please him and you; just like Tom said he said It’s between me you and god son what happens here or god will not take you in to heaven. I told him I understand and went home only to find Harrys father car parked outside Harry must be with him rushing inside, all three stood up looking at me.
Mom had that look making me want to crawl to the floor, “Mike do you know anything about a letter to Harry” “No what letter” Harry sat back down just looking to his father he looked mad, “Did you send this letter” he asked looking at it shaking my head no “He said he didn’t already” “Looks like his writing” “He already told you no’ that’s that you’ll have to leave” “Whats in it” “Never mine will talk about it later” Harry and his dad left Mom just pointed to the couch to sit down till she returned. Now I wasn’t wrong I didn’t lie about it I didn’t write a letter only placed the photos in it no letter. They went outside looking out the window mom was talking up a storm at him man was she mad rushing back to the couch, mom came in sitting down next to me just looking at me back into the kitchen Becky came in Mom told her to go to the store and get coffee she needed to talk to me.
She asked about the letter if I had sent it, I told her no we Haden even talk to each other in a long time, then she ask me if anything was going on in church that she should know about, when I told her yes she sat back in the chair looking at me she looked almost pale white so I told her that me and Jake talked about checking the other church out maybe with the older kids as they seem to do more events we like to do like car washes and singing carols. She sat back up asking if anything else might have happen while we were in Sunday school, no just our booklet classes with the other’s ask Trisha or Becky, she quickly change that worry look saying we were going out to dinner when the girls got home, I rushed doing homework before we went to dinner, Mom called her Brother Cory talking with him till the girls came home.

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Between Me You and God 6

August 24, 2012

BMYG The cassette tapes Part Six.
You might be wondering about now just what happen to Harry, he stopped hanging around with all the boys from church and avoided me; telling me he couldn’t be around the boys anymore and found new friends now. It took almost two months before I could try that rob on again just when I was thinking about quitting and checking out the other church down the street, when I mention it to Father Spears that I wasn’t happy not getting the chance to even hold the candle stick, maybe the way I said it , His look of why must have got to him walking me into the hallway to the robs and candle poles, he reached in handing me a rob to put on, as I put it on he handed me the pole telling me to go ahead and try it by myself with no one inside to watch me only him and one other boy checking the seat rows making sure all the Bible’s and pamphlets were in order.
Walking the aisle stopping just as the older boys did making like I had lit the candles returning to Father Spears standing in his long black rob watching his head nodded giving me that smile I did good. Telling to go put them out now, again I did it feeling so great about it this was the best day I’ve waited for over the past few months. Father Spears looking down at me while we put the coat and pole back in place he rubbed my back telling me as we walked to his study. We sat down together going over a few more things I needed to do showing me the Bible passages asking about them his arm around me removing it quickly when the older boy came in, he quickly told him we were just finishing up and I would be candle bearer the week before Thanksgiving, surprised thanking him leaving rushing home to tell everyone the good news.

Rushing home to tell mom was the greatest thing that could happen, Mom was so excited for me and would even come to church to see me, Mom could ask for the day off being three week away, Mom in a church was a rarity as she never went as long as I could remember, Becky and Trish didn’t care one way or the other who did it, A few days later seeing Harry in school rushing up to him, asking him if he could come see me this was my big day, his face dropped just staring at me stuttering his words No You’re a fool get away from that church its bad placed and will turn you bad get away from me, pushing me back just set my temper off reaching out punching him right in the nose, pushing me away holding his nose rushing down the hallway.

Mom was called at work from the school nurse, saying she didn’t report the matter leaving it up to her to have a talk with me rather than bringing it to the principle, telling her two boys did witness the incident and I was only defending myself, knowing who they were from church. Mom did ask about it while we were having dinner, telling her I only asked him to come to church he refused so I hit him. Mom just smiled at me not bringing it to a big thing, Now Becky and Trisha didn’t care what happen at school as long as they weren’t brought into it; they were doing the dishes and Mom sat down watching her TV show, while I did my homework on the table.

The door bell rang Becky ran to the door hoping it was her new boy friend returning past me in a low voice said I was in trouble now, Looking to the door Mom already open it inviting him in, Father Spears in his heavy coat unbuttoning it seating down in the livingroom; Trisha offered him coffee, hurry to get him some I stood behind Mom’s chair, Father Spears told Mom about This Saturday asking if I could go to a church campfire on the beach with others from the study.

Becky and Trisha were already invited, so he thought because of my age he would ask as a few younger boys my age would also be there; Mom said it would be ok as long as I didn’t give anybody a hard time, Father Spears told her I was a good student knowing my Bible, Mom almost jinks it for me telling him about pounding Harry; he said he had already heard about it and would talk to him on the matter, not to hold it against me from going to the campfire only asking if she could help out by giving two other boys a ride home.

Mom agreed to help out that was her early night anyway; What a surprised Mom took their names and phone numbers and said she would call and talk to their parents as it worked out they stayed overnight in our house, Mom even watched a good horror Movie with us making Pop corn. At the campfire it was more Bible talk with a few songs even Father Spears played his guitar without his collar roosting Hot dogs and Marshmallows drinking Coke Cola of course we were looking around for the beer but never found it, most likely hidden till we left.

Counting down marking the days off hoping it didn’t snow before then, everything was ready I knew by studying hard for church I could pass any Bible lesson now hell even brought a grade up in Reading and History to B’s, Mom was happy I was studying so hard bring up the grades wondering what I wanted for Christmas be so good, now it would be my turn to go in Father Spears study to tell him what I learned after mass, with one more week to go seating on the couch with the other boys I waited he called one of the other boys in first he was quick telling me to go in, almost dropping my book getting up going inside the room, sitting on his long couch while he sat in a chair looking over my work, another boy was also sitting on the couch in his white rob coat just looking in a magazine, everything was dark inside the walls dark wood even dark closed green drapes on his desk a small lamp with glass and crosses around the room next to each painting of the Jesus on the cross, light reflecting from dangling glass overhead, Father Spears stood up holding the rob for me, the sleeves were to small with my sweater on having to take it off he said it looked good but it was too tight the other boy took his off handing it to me, I put it on it was a good fit, sitting down all three of us went over the passages in the booklet.

Having more time after mass now just talking about school and then other things, drinking little glasses of wine while we talked, the heat must have been up in the room feeling hot taking the rob off, my eyes were tired almost sleepy trying to keep my eyes open, next thing waking up on the couch with the rob on sitting up. Neither of the two were in the room seeing all my clothes sitting on the chair realizing all I had on was the rob, getting dressed looking to the open door not see anybody in the hallway, placing the rob on a hanger next to the other one before heading to the kitchen hearing them talking, Father Spears and the boy sitting at the table.

“You ok now feel better”, “sure what happen why were my clothes off”, the boy turn smiling at me telling me “you took them off putting on the rob saying you wanted to be like Jesus” it must have been the wine looking at the clock almost six I better get home, Mom should be home anytime now. Telling them I’d see them later and rush home, what could I tell mom why I was late, seeing the car in the driveway she was already home.

Opening the door supper was just going on the table, Mom looked over at me I wanted to come up with some good reason I was late before I could even say anything Mom said Father Spears called and said I was study with Tom Witan helping him with his school work , what a relief at least I now know who the boy was anyway, we sat down had dinner and because Becky took out the trash I had to do the dishes, better than explaining what happen at church it must have been too much wine making me do that was my only reason it could have happen, so that’s what I thought at the time only later did I know what was going on, but anyway that following Sunday I was the candle person lighting them and smiling walking back Looking at Mom sitting with my Sisters, Harry wasn’t in the church anywhere, I had hoped in a way he would have showed up I even felt bad for hitting him.

After church Mom took my Photos on the steps in my Rob, see was proud of me what I worked for and more that I was trying harder in school, Looking outward I could swear I seen Harry ducking behind a car, Becky keep interrupting wanting to get home she had a date or something, They left and I walked around with Father Spears feeling more free floating on top of the world walking along golden clouds’ of cotton. No I wasn’t taken anything back then it was around, don’t get me wrong here; mostly rolled smoke some had uppers and downer pills every kid in school always knew what cars in the parking lot were selling what, glad I stayed away from that as a kid I was already mess up and didn’t even know at the time.

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