Between me you and God 10 Last

Between Me You and God 10

BMYG  Part Ten.

Today is been just another day at the beach for me and Lucky, watching the waves come in shore, it’s so peaceful here late at night no one around just the sound of the waves, what a lonesome sound with the moon casing off the waves, Went thru the six pack now back home seeing someone called, Becky checking on us again every other day she calling making sure I still pick up the phone now and then, Becky came by about two mounts ago and found me sleeping on the floor must have scared her she didn’t even try to wake me just called for help, she was relived I was ok more scared that I went without saying goodbye.

It’s been a ride for me for sure the big wave is coming in soon, time has its limited now dam liver problems,  my own fault too much drinking, it happens old friend yea we got old somehow, Guess you made it this far in the tapes or maybe you just grabbed the last one, I said a lot of things that maybe should have brought out long ago, hey you live with things and try to put them behind you and move on with your life, Well my friend I truly wanted to thank you for being my friend over the years, You may not know your letters over the years I’ve cherished wondering how you could just get up and travel around without a care, Did you know how much you made me dream of all those place’s, Post cards and photo’s what a adventure you had.

Keeping myself busy also married once and three kids, that was a long time ago we don’t talk and last time I even seen the kids the oldest was five, some other guy raised them with his name  and never heard from them, that’s been some twenty some years, not even a card or Christmas card from them guess I was written off, hey anytime I wanted company working at the shack was never a dull night, that brings me back to when we were young growing up around Cody before his work became involved then he found the love of his life moving away, do you still remember him the hippie sixties dude we called him, Some weekends he took you and me to Friendly’s for burgers mostly just an Ice Cream, what a chap escape he was now that I think of it a few times we went to the arcade, and you yes you were the one that got me on that roller coaster, holy crap was I scared but you took control just held me till it stopped, you sat wiping the tears away telling me we were down almost having to pry me from the seat, but I got even then again I had to force you into surfing the waves come on you got to admit the only waves we got where from the ships, just think if we were in that big state California you always talked about, hey I still got that old Ron Jon’s shirt you sent me.

It’s morning here bright sunny day the kids will be flocking in the arcade, never thought as kids I’d be working here during the summer, it’s my job to keep them games running, helping out in other activities of the environment protection, beach volleyball or even taking youth groups on fishing trips, of course a lot of kids have skateboards no matter how many times you tell them they still want to try the new stuff, besides becoming an EMT came in handy, Lifeguard during the busy weekends, you could always pickup plenty of girls being a lifeguard.

As much as I’d like to rattle on tape is running out so let me get right to it and again wish we had more time together, thanks for coming by it meant a great deal to me. This is my last tape so let me get down to what I wanted to tell you before it runs out; Going back before we moved here from what I’ve told you I do hope you now understand some of what happen to me as a child, still sometimes feeling the hurt knowing it wasn’t my fault it happen why things happen when you’re a small boy or even a girl that sometimes we don’t understand till later in life, no one said anything back in the sixties about bad men or women, today it’s all over and every kid now knows about them from their parents or schools, what to look out for not to ride in cars don’t talk to strangers, the fear is always with you no matter how old you get I don’t care what they say it’s like a haunting memory, more and more wondering if we moved because what happen in our town, Cody coming to live with us when he did, Mom said he needed a place to stay for awhile, I don’t remember him working back then either strange thing, comes to mind he went to the church a few times sure only when I went not my sister’s, when we lost our first Lucky he was the one that found another one just like her, do you know that I’ve had four Lucky’s now, hope this one sticks around a little longer with me, this one like beer half for her and half for me, so if a kid gets hurt by one of these persons what happen to them, all the talk today they become just like the person that betrayed them as a kid! That’s so wrong it only makes you more aware of what goes on in the minds of people.

Twelve going on Thirteen the man years of adolescence talking about girls didn’t bother me at all, hell going to the beach you could always see more young girls in bikinis most reviling thin print pattern less than Panties or bra’s letting your mind wonder, watching them run around how could you help not laying belly down in the sand afraid to turn over, how many times did both of us stay on the beach watching them play ball, even today the boys still do it. joining them a few times till nature called, even in gym class we had shorts most of the time not wearing our shirts and how they would tease us, the only time I even felt it again was at thirteen from a gym teacher trying to help me up a rope placing his hand on my rear, he didn’t mean anything by it, but I still had that fear even at thirteen, again that vulnerability that I felt was more a fear of what could happen again, perpetrators of the abuse come in many forms sometimes we fall into individuals that don’t care about the outcome only what they want and how they get it.

Parents conveniently let kids go thinking everything’s fine they know them’ it’s not like they were strangers. Mothers care for Cuts with Band-Aids they hurt when you hurt, try to confide your fears and worries making them easy to live with, having no father it was hard you just can’t go to Mom and tell her what going on sometimes you need a male image that you could confide your worst fears and worries to more a role model you could follow hoping to become like them, understanding why you feel the way you do, Mom never like my boyish paraphernalia of girls hanging on the wall, a few did had to go Mom telling me they exposed to much really Mom they had swim suits’ they were taken down but not thrown away, Cody even had a few magazines around he knew we looked at them but never asked what we thought about, more just telling us to make sure we put them back out of sight., getting back to what I was saying before retelling this is not an attempt to bring up bad times as a victim more ensuring that justice was done, more how do we prevent this abuse in the future, the media and publicity are all victims by attracting too much publicity not having any heart for the victims at all more heartless for a story in print, if they go to court to testify that could be devastating to any young person boy or girl, making spectacles of the accused person forgetting the child, who’s eyes fill with tears reliving the event over and over the fear and disgust they had to go thru, who failed to protect them when they needed someone to love and respect them as a child not a trophy for someone.

Life goes on closure in what they call criminal court cases takes a long time dragging on sometimes for a decade or more, mostly the accused will die before any justice is done leaving the victim to repeat their statement over and over, some try to drop the whole thing getting on with life like I did and so many more had to, who would believe a ten year old going to court back in the day or even today our society is deaf to the pleas for far too long more taking a back seat to it these kids are never taken seriously they don’t believe it more than not they just allowed us to tell our story of the horrible things which happen to us, without any recognition or judgment about our plight. They have turned a blind eye to the victims. Some day they will understand the child and what he or she has to deal with all thru life, having no control as a child, thankfully I never said anything before what a mess my life would have been I’m just thankful Mom was there to see things as they were not asking, just there if I needed her she must have known but never let on just more aware of what we did and were we went.

Thank you friend for just being my friend in life  Joe.

Joe sorry we couldn’t talk about this beforehand I understand can understand you, it’s a hard thing to deal with for any child at any age, you did what you felt was right and maybe Cody help in so many ways you just over looked he was there for you during the peak years you needed someone to talk to just being yourself, life is so precious we should never let it go to waste.

Readers this was Joe’s last tape before he left us hope you read some of it, it wasn’t easy listening to his voice breaking so many times before he finished telling his life past granted Becky and Trisha have also read them before I let any go to print here,, Thank you both for allowing me the chance to share Joe’s story.

Sent your comments if you like Thanks’ for reading it Will

Last Part of Joe Called.


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12 Responses to “Between me you and God 10 Last”

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